Matthew 7:21

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” NIV.

Pastor Gary at the Abbotsford Vineyard gave a sermon on forgiveness today. He started by outlining some things that forgiveness is not. 

Click here for a list of 8 things that are NOT forgiveness.

I have learned the following three truths about forgiveness this year.

1. We forgive others for our own benefit. (THIS IS A GIFT I GIVE MYSELF.)

a) This is the only way that we ourselves are forgiven, that we can pursue happiness, contentment, joy, and all that God offers.

b) Remember the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18, we are forgiven as we forgive others.

2. We ask forgiveness from others for our own benefit. (THIS IS A GIFT I GIVE MYSELF.)

a)  This is the only way to be released from legitimate guilt.

b) We do this so our gifts to God have value. Matthew 6:14 Gifts that have no value are worthless.

3. We explain to others when they have sinned against us for their benefit. (THIS IS A GIFT I GIVE TO OTHERS.)

a) This is a selfless act of service. It is like offering an olive branch to people who have sinned against us. We are offering them a chance to ask forgiveness, to release themselves from legitimate guilt.

b) “So watch yourselves. ‘If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them'” (Luke 17:3, NIV). See also Matthew 18:15.

c) Explaining to others when they have sinned against us can only be done effectively when it is done in love. We cannot do this well when we are angry, or when we are still reacting poorly to what was done to us.

d) This one is for me the most difficult because:

i) I would rather forget the matter, and hope it will just go away. The problem with this is that some situations do not just go away.

ii) The other person may not realize they have sinned against me, or they may not agree that they have sinned against me. The conversation may be awkward. After courageously talking to the other person, I may see things differently. This has the potential to put the relationship back on a healing track.

iii) The other person may think they have a right to sin against me, and it may feel to me like they are standing their with their emotional arms crossed. It may feel like I am asking them to say sorry to me for my benefit, instead of the real truth that I am extending to them an olive branch so they can be freed from legitimate guilt. This has the potential to be awkward. Of course, the other person may ask genuine forgiveness, which I may have trouble to give, because of the deepness of the wound.

iv) A real danger here is that the other person may ask forgiveness without really agreeing that they did something wrong, just to make the immediate conversation go away. This is the same as lying, even though both parties may have good intentions. In this case the sin will probably be intentionally repeated, with both parties feeling they are right. Deceiving one another is not nearly as helpful as having courageous conversations until both parties feel completely understood.

v) If this goes well, this is the first step to rebuilding trust. Trust can only be rebuilt when both sides agree that trust was broken. Then both sides can start taking steps towards reconciliation.

Conclusion: We cannot control other peoples actions and reactions. Our responsibility before God is to (1) Forgive everyone completely, (2) ask forgiveness if we know someone has something against us, and (3) to let others know when they have sinned against us. 

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Romans 12:18 NIV.



I am curious about your experiences or thoughts about this.

Sincerely,

Rick Bergen.