At a week-long conference on peace-keeping in Fresno California we learned that churches that disagree well and welcome opposing ideas will grow. Pastors who want “peace” at any price, who discourage disagreement, these churches will probably dwindle.

In disagreeing well, that does not be criticizing people behind their back. To me this means feeling safe enough to be able to talk about things as a team and as friends without feeling like this will jeopardize the relationship.

This morning Seth Godin gave some helpful advice in his blog. I’ll paste it right here as I pray that I will be a friend people feel they can approach.

…………………………………

How else are you supposed to take it?

“Don’t take it personally.”

This is tough advice. Am I supposed to take it like a chair? Sometimes it seems as though the only way to take it is personally. That customer who doesn’t like your product (your best work) or that running buddy who doesn’t want to run with you any longer…

Here’s the thing: it’s never personal. It’s never about you. How could it be? That person doesn’t truly know you, understand what you want or hear the voices in your head. All they know is themselves.

When someone moves on, when she walks away or even badmouths you or your work, it’s not personal about you. It’s personal about her. Her agenda, her decisions, her story.

Do your work, the best way you know how. Is there any other option?

Seth Godin – 20 May 2011 blog